The Christian Marriage and Money

The Bible does not specifically address the handling of money in a marriage, but the principles regarding the relationship dynamics between the husband and wife touch on all aspects of the marriage. In other words, the principles set forth by the Lord in Ephesians 5:22-33 and Colossians 3:18-19 speak to all facets of the husband-wife relationship. This means that the spiritual balance of the spousal relationship, in all aspects, is directly impacted by the individual spouse’s choice to walk in obedience to the Lord.

Both spouses bring to their union strengths and weaknesses. Molding these individual characteristics into a workable relationship is a matter of understanding the order of God and the gift of grace. Financial decisions that impact the success of the family are a shared responsibility. Whatever the source of God’s provisions, whether the result of the husband’s employment or the wife’s employment, or both, the assets accumulated are the responsibility of both partners together as a team. The important principle in regard to financial decisions is to “...do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Few of us were left unchanged by the economics of the last four years. Recession, recovery, unemployment, housing and fuel prices, etc. In addition to that, let’s add toddlers, dinnertime, teenagers, weight gain, and dirty laundry. Is it really any wonder that money, along with poor communication, can be one of the most difficult areas for couples to manage together?

Now, if you and your spouse can already agree on how to manage your finances, have a complete understanding of your goals, and work well as a team to accomplish your dreams—I am genuinely excited for you. And you need to move on from reading this post and go mentor another young married couple who has not yet figured out how to reach those milestones, because, trust me, there are many out there who have not arrived there yet.  It took my wife and myself almost a year to work this out, whereas others might take even longer.

For those of you who have decided to continue reading, I’d like to suggest 10 steps to begin managing your finances together:

1) Pray

“When famine or plague comes to the land, or blight or mildew, locusts or grasshoppers, or when enemies besiege them in any of their cities, whatever disaster or disease may come, and when a prayer or plea is made by any of your people Israel--each one aware of his afflictions and pains, and spreading out his hands toward this temple--then hear from heaven, your dwelling place. Forgive, and deal with each man according to all he does, since you know his heart (for you alone know the hearts of men), so that they will fear you and walk in your ways all the time they live in the land you gave our fathers.” (2 Chronicles 6:28-31)

I cannot stress this enough, pray before you move forward. Few couples invite God into their financial lives.  I think God has some amazing things he can do with our finances if we allow him to enter into the process.  Marriage is always a joint relationship between husband, wife, and God.

In your prayers focus on the following:

Pray that God would allow you to put your marriage above any individual concerns.  Ask God to guide you in how he wants the funds earned, used, and distributed.  Request a double portion of humility so you can be prepared to accept God’s guidance.  Plead with God to give you the necessary strength to release control of your money and give God control.   Remember, God knows your heart.

2) Be Partners and Honest in Everything

“So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?” (Luke 16:11)

Marriage is an amalgamation of all the pieces of life.  The husband and the wife lose their individual identity and become one.  “I” is dropped from the vocabulary and replaced with “We.” The married couple no longer uses “my”, but “our”.  This includes finances.  Every dollar brought into the home is a dollar that belongs to the home.  Every dollar that goes out the door is a dollar that the household spent.  Erase all notions of individual finances.  Forget about who bought what.  It doesn’t matter who first signed for the loan.  From now on “we” are in this financial situation together.  “We” have an equal responsibility and an equal opportunity.

Gather up all the statements, checkbooks, and insurance documents to one place. If you are not joint on your accounts, make it so.  If you have a debt your spouse does not know about, be completely clear about it.  If you are the one receiving this surprising news, commit to being completely involved from this day forward.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

3) Define Long-term Goals

This might be painful, but list all of your debts.  Yes, all of them.  Do the same for your assets. What are your cars worth?  How much is in savings? Now set goals.  Goal setting is a form of practical dreaming—and who doesn’t like to dream about what the future could be?  This goal setting is not just about finances, but it is about all things in life.  Where do you want to be?  What do you want to be doing?  What do you want people to say about your life accomplishments?  Goal setting is where a husband and wife look at each other and say, “Where do we want to be in 5 years? In 10 years? In 15 years?” 

Husband and wife then look at the financial implications of those goals they have jointly set.  If a husband and a wife have separate goals it will be nearly impossible to have financial stability in marriage.

“Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” (Matthew 12:25)

4) Combine What You Have

Since there is a union between husband and wife it is essential that couples combine bank accounts and all other financial items.  It is difficult, but possible, to function financially with separate bank accounts.  However, what do you seek for in your marriage?  To “function” or to “thrive?”  I do not believe a marriage can thrive until there is intimacy on all levels.  This involves combining all financial resources.

It doesn’t matter who earns it. Some couples think that the one who earns the money spends the money or dictates how it ought to be spent.  Instead, you should respect your unique contributions to the home.  We made the decision that my wife would continue in her art business.  She had been a professional artist for many years before we even met, and is still well known in the dog show world for her custom portraits.  At the time we met and married, I was traveling on contract for a security company.  The decision was made that I would stay home and manage her art business affairs, such as business accounts, show applications, inventory and shipping, and so forth.  But it was a decision we made as partners, together. 

“The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:4)

While this passage speaks of the physical relationship between husband and wife, the principle of joint ownership applies.  What previously belonged to the wife/husband (his and her body) is now shared with the spouse as he is now a joint-owner of his/her body.

5) Distribute Responsibilities

Money management takes time, energy, knowledge, and wisdom.  One of the common complaints about the modern family is the burden of so many responsibilities and commitments.  This makes its way into the home as couples are forced to decide who will take care of the different tasks related to personal finances.

Here is my suggestion:

  Take out a blank piece of paper (or open a Word document on your computer) and list all of the jobs related to personal finances.  This list might include things like balancing the check book, transferring funds, paying bills, researching retirement options, making investment decisions, etc.

  Make a copy of that list.  Both spouses should write one of the following phrases by each tasks:    (a) I enjoy doing that, (b) I am willing to do that, (c) Yuck! Please don’t make me do that.

  Compare your lists.  Assign responsibilities first according to the task you each enjoy.  Next, assign responsibilities by rotating every other task in the “willing to do that” list.  Then finally, if both of you are “Yuck” for the same task, consider (a) outsourcing it if possible, (b) splitting the responsibility 50/50 , or (c) assigning the task to one partner and the other will assume another household responsibility that you both rate as ‘Yuck!’  In our case, I handle the business checking account, and she handles our personal checking account.  It works well for us. 

6) Develop a Budget Together, then Meet Regularly

Having defined your goals, you now have a general direction to follow in your lives.  Now your job is to apply those long term goals to the short term—this month’s budget.  The budget represents the small goals you meet along the way to achieving your ultimate goals.

Once the budget is set, it is important that you track your progress.  The best way is to meet together regularly.  Imagine if one of the children became sick, and you purchased a bunch of medications.  Your spouse needs to know what you did because you may need to adjust that budget item to make the budget work. 

Here is what my wife and I do. The first Wednesday of every month is budget night, because we now also receive Social Security as well as her income from artwork, and we sit down at my desk together.  We look at the income for the previous month and type any change into our budget on the computer.  She then reads off all the expenses for the past month, which I then type into the budget.  One of us could do the job, but as she reads and I type, we are both aware of all the week’s expenditures.  We then take a quick look over the budget to be sure the dollars we allocated to each category is still sufficient.  If we have overspent, or the cost of an item has increased on a category, we take the money from somewhere else in the budget. 

After your initial budget development, the following meetings shouldn’t take any more than 15-20 minutes per month.  If your paydays fall on a different time frame, then schedule your budget meetings accordingly.  It’s possible you might want to meet weekly at first, but once you get a handle on the process, you can adjust those meetings to suit your needs.

7) Remove Any Financial Pressure

Too many money discussions in marriage happen in high-stress situations.  Chuck Bentley at Crown Financial Ministries frequently talks about creating financial margin.  Where there is a margin, stress is removed from the situation.  You need to take away the pressure that every financial decision could break you. This must be done by paying off debt and saving for emergencies.  Once you have taken care of those financial pressures you will find that all your financial discussions are suddenly so much easier because there is now space to breathe and even room for error.

Based on Financial Peace University recommendations, Alice and I have set aside 3 months of expenses in case of an emergency (this is only touched in case of emergency).  Then we have paid off all credit cards and any other debt costing us interest.  Now we have “breathing room.”

The budget, then, makes sure we can meet any regular monthly living expenses. And remember, if you are considering any major expenses in the future, such as buying a new washing machine, then make sure it will fit within the budgetary constraints.  If possible, always save up the money and pay cash for the purchase. 

“The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7) 

8) Agree on Some Guiding Principles

You should only need to make some decisions in your marriage once.  Unfortunately, many couples have not put those boundaries in place so when it comes to making financial decisions they are forced to keep re-addressing the same issues.

Here are some examples of guidelines you might have: We will give a least 10% of our income to our local church or other charities.  We will save 15% of every paycheck towards retirement.  We will buy things with cash and will not borrow.  We will always make a car payment to ourselves.  We always put down at least 25% when buying a home.  The list could continue.  

The point is, when you set your goals some decisions only need to be made once and then you budget according to these guidelines.

“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 16:3)  

9) Always be Willing to Seek Outside Help  
Sometimes a third party can be an invaluable resource.  Couples who find themselves at an impasse often just need someone to help them hear what the other spouse is saying. When communication in marriage has failed, find a church counselor or minister who can guide you back on track.  This does not need to be a costly endeavor as many churches have resources available to offer assistance free of charge.

Perhaps you need a different type of outside help.  Ask a friend or parent to watch the kids for an evening or a day, so you and your spouse can discuss these issues without the children distracting you.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)

10) And finally, Always Put the Needs of Your Spouse above Your Own

Often our financial discussions are a sign of our immaturity and our carnal self.  We hunger and lust for things.  We desire those things even above the welfare of our marriage.  Give up the insignificant things of life so that you can gain the greater reward of a unified marriage.

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)

Work out a system that works best for your personal situation. However, always keep the goal of oneness and agreement in mind when it comes to money and marriage.

Always use biblical principles as a guide when managing your Christian budget and planning for your financial future. Do some research on the Scriptures about finances, look on the internet for free articles, and buy one good practical, biblical resource you can study together.  I highly recommend Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey.  A very practical study on the scriptural basis for good stewardship, and developing a strategy to handle your money in a way that glorifies God. 

Finally, we are also given principles such as the one in Luke 6:38, which states that the more freely we give the greater the blessing. This means that there is a correlation between the giving that we do as unto the Lord and the blessing that we receive in return, both spiritual and financial. We cannot out-give God.  Is it easy? Not at first.  

Shortly after Alice and I were married, I told her that I felt God calling us to tithe.  At first she was afraid.  She was concerned we wouldn’t be able to meet our financial obligations each month.  So I suggested we try a six month test.  If in those six months of tithing we had difficulty paying our bills we would discontinue tithing.  But I insisted we begin by praying and asking God to honor our decision to give back to Him, and that He would receive glory through it.  At the end of those six months, not only were we able to continue tithing, but we were actually able to increase the amount we tithed each month.  And we have faithfully tithed ever since.  The more faithful we are in giving back to the LORD, the more we find that what we retain is multiplied and, indeed, more than sufficient to the point of abundance.

I am not a professional financial counselor, but I share only what has worked for us. Have you taken any of these steps? What is holding you back, or what is your biggest challenge?

I would love to hear from you. 



Don't miss out on the complete marriage series:
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 1
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 2 
Communication in Marriage 



 

Can God change your life?

God has made it possible for you to know Him, and experience an amazing 

change in your own life.

Discover how you can find peace with God.