The Bible and Divorce

You can’t talk about marriage without a discussion on what the Bible has to say about Divorce. It is a growing problem in America.  And the casual attitude about divorce in the secular world is spilling over into the church where the statistics are only slightly lower.  In the past few months I’ve been surprised by how many couples I know who are divorcing, separating, or heading very quickly in that direction.

Please understand what I am saying in this post.  I believe there are Biblical reasons for divorce, such as infidelity.  I am not saying the decision to divorce is wrong—and I would never encourage someone to stay in a relationship where you fear for the safety of yourself or your children.  What I am saying, is that the majority of divorces seem to be the end result of years of hurt feelings, resentment, and selfishness. 

Not being around other couples all the time, I can’t say I know all the details in someone else’s marriage.  But there are very real difficulties and situations that do constitute divorce. Here are 10 reasons many people give for divorce:   

1. We grew apart
2. We don’t make each other happy anymore
3. We aren’t in love anymore
4. It’s better for the kids if we divorce
5. I grew up, but my spouse did not

6. We’re different people than when we got married
7. It isn’t fun anymore
8. I found a new person who really understands me
9. My spouse let themselves go physically
10. I deserve to be happy

Marriage was first instituted by God in the Garden of Eden. It is a monogamous, physical, and spiritual union between a man and a woman (Gen. 2:21-24) where adultery was forbidden (Exodus 20:14) and termination was not allowed.  But it didn't take long for the monogamous arrangement to become corrupted.  Polygamy became an accepted social custom (Gen. 16:1-2, Deut. 21:15). In fact, many of the Kings of Israel were polygamists.  The norm, however, was and still is monogamy

Sadly, even in the Bible there was divorce.  In the Old Testament, only men were able to divorce their wives. (Deut. 24:1-4)   In the New Testament, women were also apparently able to initiate divorce. (Mark 10:12, 1 Cor. 7:13)   But, what is a Christian to do if he or she has been divorced?  Can he remarry? Should she stay single?  Is the Christian guilty of a perpetual sin if he or she divorces?  God wants the Christian to take marriage very seriously.  Jesus said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Mark 10:9)   (See also 1 Cor. 7:10-11, Heb. 13:4.) 

But, because we live in an imperfect world, and so the Bible speaks about the circumstance of divorce.

Let's take a look.

Now, divorce is not automatically a sin.  After all, God divorced Israel for spiritual adultery.  “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery." (Jeremiah. 3:8)

Jesus said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9)  The word in Greek for any type of immorality is porneia, from which we get the word pornography.  Sexual immorality, then, is grounds for divorce according to Jesus.   

Also, in addressing the issue of an unbelieving spouse, Paul said, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." (1 Corinthians 7:15)

I would like to say up front that the following answers are my opinions.  Also, part of the answers to questions on divorce must include grace.  God is not a Law Master who wants to bring His people forcefully into broken submission.  God is very forgiving and loving.  He wants His people to experience joy and fulfillment in their lives, and this can only be done in the grace of forgiveness.   Jesus bore all your sins—even the sin of divorce.  They have been paid for, and He will not bring them up again on the Day of Judgment.  You are free in Christ.

However, there are some Biblical guidelines that we need to be aware of regarding divorce. I offer the following outline as a suggestion of options:

1) What if a person was an unbeliever when he got divorced and it was for an unbiblical reason and later became a Christian? What should he do?

If reconciliation is an option, then seek it.  However:

      a. If the ex-spouse is not a Christian, he should not remarry the spouse because a believer is not to marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14)

      b. If either spouse has gotten married, remarriage is not an option either (Deuteronomy 24:3-4, Mark 10:11-12)

      c. If the ex-spouse will have nothing to do with any reconciliation or you are not able to contact this person, you are free to remarry.

               1. If the spouse has died, you are free to remarry.

2) What if a person was a believer when he got divorced, but the reason was not adultery or abandonment and wants to remarry someone different now? What should he do?

      a) If you initiated the divorce, then you should not remarry. (Matthew 19:9)

      b) However, reconciliation with the initial spouse should be sought with confession of sin and the request for forgiveness.

      c) If it was the spouse that left without a Biblical reason, then you are free to remarry.

               1. Reconciliation should be sought with a confession of sin.

3) What if a couple was divorced, married others, got divorced, and wants to become remarried to again?

      a) The Bible says that you cannot return to your first spouse after you remarried. (Deuteronomy 24:3-4, Jeremiah 3:1)

      b) If you have, nevertheless, already gotten married, continue in your marriage and seek the Lord's forgiveness. He will give it.

4) What if a person was a believer when he got divorced, but the reason was not adultery or abandonment and has already gotten married? Is he in sin?

      a) Depending on the circumstances, he may be. But he should confess his sin to the Lord and the spouse, and seek forgiveness from the original spouse, and then he should stay married and be the best husband (or wife) they can be. 

I have not addressed all possible concerns, but only a few of the more serious.  I hope these brief answers will help you understand some aspects of divorce and remarriage.  Along with the advice of a pastor, you need to be a prayer warrior for your spouse.  You need to be praying daily for them, and aware of the potential dangers to a marriage.  These dangers include pornography, lack of communication, substance abuse, and physical/emotional abuse. Satan would love nothing more than to destroy Christian marriages.  The family is the basic building block of nations, and of society in general. 

As the family goes, so goes society.  Paul tells us to, ”Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." (Ephesian 6:11)  Also, pray for your spouse, make a covenant with your eyes, avoid controlled substances (except where a doctor prescribes), sit down daily to talk with your spouse; just sit and listen, and make a budget and stick to it.

The old axiom is true:  If you “fail to plan, plan to fail.”  To be warned is to be prepared.  Marriage takes work, but it is a God-ordained institution that is worth fighting for.  I pray that this will make you think about just how precious your spouse is to God.  See them as Jesus sees them.  Look at them through His eyes.  He loves them more than you do. 

I also pray this will help alleviate some of the causes of divorce from your marriage.  By reducing the risk, you reduce the chances that you and your beloved spouse will divorce.  And if you have children, these are the most precious, innocent victims of all. 

I then pray you make Christ the Chief Cornerstone of your marriage, because “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)




Don't miss out on the complete marriage series:
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 1
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 2 
Communication in Marriage 

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