The Bible and Divorce

You can’t talk about marriage without a discussion on what the Bible has to say about Divorce. It is a growing problem in America.  And the casual attitude about divorce in the secular world is spilling over into the church where the statistics are only slightly lower.  In the past few months I’ve been surprised by how many couples I know who are divorcing, separating, or heading very quickly in that direction.

Please understand what I am saying in this post.  I believe there are Biblical reasons for divorce, such as infidelity.  I am not saying the decision to divorce is wrong—and I would never encourage someone to stay in a relationship where you fear for the safety of yourself or your children.  What I am saying, is that the majority of divorces seem to be the end result of years of hurt feelings, resentment, and selfishness. 

Not being around other couples all the time, I can’t say I know all the details in someone else’s marriage.  But there are very real difficulties and situations that do constitute divorce. Here are 10 reasons many people give for divorce:   

1. We grew apart
2. We don’t make each other happy anymore
3. We aren’t in love anymore
4. It’s better for the kids if we divorce
5. I grew up, but my spouse did not

6. We’re different people than when we got married
7. It isn’t fun anymore
8. I found a new person who really understands me
9. My spouse let themselves go physically
10. I deserve to be happy

Marriage was first instituted by God in the Garden of Eden. It is a monogamous, physical, and spiritual union between a man and a woman (Gen. 2:21-24) where adultery was forbidden (Exodus 20:14) and termination was not allowed.  But it didn't take long for the monogamous arrangement to become corrupted.  Polygamy became an accepted social custom (Gen. 16:1-2, Deut. 21:15). In fact, many of the Kings of Israel were polygamists.  The norm, however, was and still is monogamy

Sadly, even in the Bible there was divorce.  In the Old Testament, only men were able to divorce their wives. (Deut. 24:1-4)   In the New Testament, women were also apparently able to initiate divorce. (Mark 10:12, 1 Cor. 7:13)   But, what is a Christian to do if he or she has been divorced?  Can he remarry? Should she stay single?  Is the Christian guilty of a perpetual sin if he or she divorces?  God wants the Christian to take marriage very seriously.  Jesus said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Mark 10:9)   (See also 1 Cor. 7:10-11, Heb. 13:4.) 

But, because we live in an imperfect world, and so the Bible speaks about the circumstance of divorce.

Let's take a look.

Now, divorce is not automatically a sin.  After all, God divorced Israel for spiritual adultery.  “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery." (Jeremiah. 3:8)

Jesus said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9)  The word in Greek for any type of immorality is porneia, from which we get the word pornography.  Sexual immorality, then, is grounds for divorce according to Jesus.   

Also, in addressing the issue of an unbelieving spouse, Paul said, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." (1 Corinthians 7:15)

I would like to say up front that the following answers are my opinions.  Also, part of the answers to questions on divorce must include grace.  God is not a Law Master who wants to bring His people forcefully into broken submission.  God is very forgiving and loving.  He wants His people to experience joy and fulfillment in their lives, and this can only be done in the grace of forgiveness.   Jesus bore all your sins—even the sin of divorce.  They have been paid for, and He will not bring them up again on the Day of Judgment.  You are free in Christ.

However, there are some Biblical guidelines that we need to be aware of regarding divorce. I offer the following outline as a suggestion of options:

1) What if a person was an unbeliever when he got divorced and it was for an unbiblical reason and later became a Christian? What should he do?

If reconciliation is an option, then seek it.  However:

      a. If the ex-spouse is not a Christian, he should not remarry the spouse because a believer is not to marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14)

      b. If either spouse has gotten married, remarriage is not an option either (Deuteronomy 24:3-4, Mark 10:11-12)

      c. If the ex-spouse will have nothing to do with any reconciliation or you are not able to contact this person, you are free to remarry.

               1. If the spouse has died, you are free to remarry.

2) What if a person was a believer when he got divorced, but the reason was not adultery or abandonment and wants to remarry someone different now? What should he do?

      a) If you initiated the divorce, then you should not remarry. (Matthew 19:9)

      b) However, reconciliation with the initial spouse should be sought with confession of sin and the request for forgiveness.

      c) If it was the spouse that left without a Biblical reason, then you are free to remarry.

               1. Reconciliation should be sought with a confession of sin.

3) What if a couple was divorced, married others, got divorced, and wants to become remarried to again?

      a) The Bible says that you cannot return to your first spouse after you remarried. (Deuteronomy 24:3-4, Jeremiah 3:1)

      b) If you have, nevertheless, already gotten married, continue in your marriage and seek the Lord's forgiveness. He will give it.

4) What if a person was a believer when he got divorced, but the reason was not adultery or abandonment and has already gotten married? Is he in sin?

      a) Depending on the circumstances, he may be. But he should confess his sin to the Lord and the spouse, and seek forgiveness from the original spouse, and then he should stay married and be the best husband (or wife) they can be. 

I have not addressed all possible concerns, but only a few of the more serious.  I hope these brief answers will help you understand some aspects of divorce and remarriage.  Along with the advice of a pastor, you need to be a prayer warrior for your spouse.  You need to be praying daily for them, and aware of the potential dangers to a marriage.  These dangers include pornography, lack of communication, substance abuse, and physical/emotional abuse. Satan would love nothing more than to destroy Christian marriages.  The family is the basic building block of nations, and of society in general. 

As the family goes, so goes society.  Paul tells us to, ”Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." (Ephesian 6:11)  Also, pray for your spouse, make a covenant with your eyes, avoid controlled substances (except where a doctor prescribes), sit down daily to talk with your spouse; just sit and listen, and make a budget and stick to it.

The old axiom is true:  If you “fail to plan, plan to fail.”  To be warned is to be prepared.  Marriage takes work, but it is a God-ordained institution that is worth fighting for.  I pray that this will make you think about just how precious your spouse is to God.  See them as Jesus sees them.  Look at them through His eyes.  He loves them more than you do. 

I also pray this will help alleviate some of the causes of divorce from your marriage.  By reducing the risk, you reduce the chances that you and your beloved spouse will divorce.  And if you have children, these are the most precious, innocent victims of all. 

I then pray you make Christ the Chief Cornerstone of your marriage, because “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12)




Don't miss out on the complete marriage series:
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 1
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 2 
Communication in Marriage 

Can God change your life?

God has made it possible for you to know Him, and experience an amazing change

in your own life.

Discover how you can find peace with God.

Sharing Your Faith--101

You don’t actually have to raise your hand, but at least think about this.  How many of you are afraid to share your faith?  Is it because you don’t know what to say.  Or maybe you’re sharing the Gospel, but nothing is happening; people aren’t committing their lives to Christ.  Is it possible you are doing something wrong?

You need to understand that we cannot open someone’s heart to the truth of the Gospel—but the Holy Spirit can.  The Apostle Paul wasn’t persuasive, but God used him because he depended on the Holy Spirit to guide him. (1 Corinthians 2:1-5)  God guided many others in the Bible as well—like Moses, who at first asked God to get someone else to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land, or Jonah, who didn’t think the wicked Ninevites deserved God’s mercy and tried to run the other way.

Remember, God does not call the equipped; He equips the called—and as Christians, we are all called to share what Christ has done.  Some of Jesus’ last words on earth were, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations...” (Matthew 28:19)  Sharing your faith isn’t just a suggestion, it’s a command.  And God is with us when we obey Him.

One of the best ways to share your faith is to live a godly life.  Jesus called us to, “...let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)  Non-Christians often look at Christians as hypocritical because we say one thing, but do another.  Show those close to you that you care—spend time with them, help meet their needs, and offer to listen when they have problems.  You might not have all the answers, but they can’t deny the reality of what Christ has done in your life.  If you find this difficult, is it possible God is speaking to you about your own need to walk more closely with Him every day?

Another important part of sharing your faith is to pray for those you interact with each day.  If you can’t think of anyone who isn’t a Christian, pray for God to place someone in your life who needs Him.  Also, make a habit of reading the Bible, praying and going to church.  These things shouldn’t be done just for the sake of doing them, but to help you grow in your own faith.  Being passionate about Christ will help others see that there’s something different about you, and they will want to know what it is. You can also reflect Christ through kind words, patience, a gentle temperament, choosing to love even difficult people, carefully monitoring what you watch or listen to, and treating others with respect.

At the same time, we must do more than live godly lives. People need to hear the Gospel—to hear that God loves them, that Christ died for them and that they can have eternal life. The Apostle Paul tells us that, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?” (Romans 10:13-14)  

Here are 4 simple steps to help you share the Gospel:   

1) Tell them about God's plan. 

God loves you and wants you to experience the peace and life He offers.  The Bible says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)  He has a plan for you.  

2) Explain that we are separated from God.   
Being at peace with God is not automatic. By nature, we are all separated from Him.  The Bible says, “...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...” (Romans 3:23)  God is holy, but we are human and do not measure up to His perfect standard.  We are sinful, and “the wages of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23)   

3) Talk about God's solution--the cross.  
God’s love bridges the gap of separation between you and Him.  When Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the grave, He paid the penalty for your sins.  The Bible says, “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” (1 Peter 2:24)  

4) Our response is to receive Christ. 

You cross the bridge into God’s family when you accept Christ’s free gift of salvation.  The Bible says, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God...” (John 1:12)  Romans 10:13 says, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”   

Now, here’s a prayer you can pray to receive Christ:

“Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness. I believe you died for my sins and rose from the dead. I trust and follow you as my Lord and Savior. Guide my life and help me to do your will. In your name I pray, Amen.”

       --------------------------------------------------------------------

I'd like to share with you 5 things that Gary Cobb, a Billy Graham Evangelistic Association staff member who helps train others to share their faith, wants you to remember:

1. Understand that your own life is a great part of your witness.  
If my relationship with Christ isn’t vital, then I really don’t have a lot to share.  People not only listen to your words, they look at your life.  We still fail and aren’t always a good example, so our only hope is to come to God and surrender to Him.  It’s nothing that we can do.  It’s God’s work. 

2. Realize that we earn the right to be heard by sincerely listening to others.  
Everyone has a story.  You can’t just blunder into a situation and callously share without listening.  The Bible says that Jesus was a friend of sinners.  That’s our example—to be a friend, to listen to people, see where they are, and then take them where they need to go. 

3. Recognize that people are looking for a cure.  
When you go to the doctor, you don’t say, “I have cancer.”  Instead, you describe your symptoms.  That’s where most people live.  They only see symptoms.  “I’m lonely. I’m suffering from a broken relationship.  I’m stressed.  There’s darkness within me that I don’t know what to do with.”  How do we share Christ with someone who is overwhelmed with their symptoms? We know the ultimate cure. It’s Jesus Christ.  Jesus didn’t die for their symptoms.  He died for their sins.  Yet, people don’t wake up in the morning and think, “You know, I need to accept Jesus.” They wake up with the symptoms, and so as people who are attempting to rescue those who are lost, we need to start with their symptoms, show them the disease (sin), and take them to the ultimate cure (Jesus). 

4. Keep it simple.  
The Gospel is already simple.  Christ died for our sins.  He was buried.  He rose again.  We need to turn away from the things that are wrong in our lives, and accept what Jesus did on the cross for us and receive Him as Lord.  Don’t complicate it.  So many times we throw in things like our denomination or other doctrines or we use religious terms that a lot of people don’t understand.  We end up confusing them and creating barriers.  Explain the Gospel in a way that people can understand.  

5. Stress the love of God. 
John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   It starts with love, and that’s where we need to start.  Ultimately, we have to explain that we’re all sinners and have violated God’s standards, and, because of that, there is a judgment.  “The wages of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23)  But don’t start with that. People know they’ve done a lot of wrong things, but they first need to hear that God is still open to forgiving them.

Can God change your life?

God has made it possible for you to know Him, and experience an amazing change

in your own life.

Discover how you can find peace with God.

.