Monday, April 11, 2016

7 Key Principles for a Healthy Marriage




I apologize for not being able to post last week due to illness.  Over the next several weeks I will be looking at some additional general topics on marriage.  Thank you for joining me here and I hope the information I am presenting will be of help to you.  Please feel free to ask questions you might have and I’ll respond as time allows. 

As have most pastors, I’ve performed a fair number of weddings.  Part of being in ministry is helping couples enter the most important of relationships—marriage.  It’s a tremendous responsibility.  Prior to a wedding, however, a minister has access to speak into a couple’s life in a way unique to any other time in their lives.

I feel it is important to help couples, as much as possible, be prepared for marriage.  With time always at a premium, I try to make sure, at a minimum, that the couple understands a few key principles prior to their wedding day.

I believe understanding these 7 issues will help you have a healthy marriage:

1) You are different
Opposites tend to attract.  Each spouse is not only differently physically, but there are differences in backgrounds, outlook on life, and how they approach different situations.  This is not intended as a curse on marriage.  God designed those differences for a reason, and the more a couple learns to celebrate those differences, the stronger a marriage will become.

2) Leave and cleave 
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
Don’t let either set of in-laws dictate how you lead your new family.  Decide in advance that no one, whether they are related or not, is going to be a wedge between the two of you.  Every couple has lots of other relationships, including children someday, but none of them should be allowed to interfere with the oneness God intends to create with the marriage.

3) Expect surprises
Life won’t always be as wonderful as it is today.  There will be difficult days, whether self-induced or life-induced.  Life brings changes, and those times have the ability to catch even the best marriages off guard if not prepared for them.  We can never be fully prepared for what might come, but we can prepare ourselves that when it does come, whatever it is, and no matter how hard it is, we can handle it.  Couples should use these times to improve the strength of their marriage rather than allow them to pull the marriage apart.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (John 16:33b)

4) Make a commitment to the marriage no matter what
Couples usually assume they are doing this by standing at the altar together, but statistics would say otherwise.  Many times these days a person is saying, “I’m committed until it becomes difficult or until the love we have today fades.”  That is not the Biblical picture of marriage God designed.  Marriage is more than simply a feeling of love, it is a commitment to love “for better or worse, from this day forward.”  Expressing that commitment, and agreeing together beforehand, and continuing to remind yourself of that through the difficult days, will help the marriage last.  Couples should not be ashamed to ask for help early on, not letting problems in the marriage begin to fester.  Do not be afraid to ask for professional counseling if necessary.  It would be better to get help early than to see the marriage disintegrate beyond repair.

5) Model after the right couples
I encourage couples to find another couple whose marriage they admire, and follow them closely.  Most likely they have some stories to share.  Things may not have been as wonderful throughout their marriage as they are today.  No doubt they have some tips to having a strong marriage.  I challenge couples to learn all they can from the couple they want to be like.

6) Evaluate often
Couples should ask themselves often, are we growing together as a couple or further apart?  Is the marriage growing stronger or are there holes that need addressing?  Don’t assume your spouse feels as you do. (I’ve learned this is especially true for men who often don’t know there is a problem until it’s a big problem.)  Establish the understanding early in the relationship that you have the right to periodically check on the state of your marriage.  In the weeks ahead I will provide to you a checklist of questions to ask one another as a way to evaluate your marriage.

7) Put Christ first
This is the one most couples expect the pastor to say, but it’s not just the preacher’s answer, it’s the best secret to a lasting marriage.  “A chord of three strands is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes  4:12b)   A couple’s individual and collective relationship with Christ will ensure they can endure the hardest days of a marriage.  When the relationship with Christ suffers, the marriage will often suffer. Satan looks for any excuse to destroy the marriage.  Begin a nightly devotional and prayer time with your spouse.  Pour your heart and life into Christ and let Him strengthen and sustain your marriage. 


That’s my list.  I also believe these are good principles for couples regardless of how long they have been married.  Let me know if there is a topic you would like to see discussed that I haven't covered yet.  And I appreciate any feedback.  
 




Don't miss out on the complete marriage series:
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 1
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 2 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 1 
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 2 
Communication in Marriage 

The Bible & Divorce






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