I
apologize for not being able to post last week due to illness. Over the next several weeks I will be looking
at some additional general topics on marriage.
Thank you for joining me here and I hope the information I am presenting
will be of help to you. Please feel free
to ask questions you might have and I’ll respond as time allows.
As have most pastors, I’ve performed a
fair number of weddings. Part of being
in ministry is helping couples enter the most important of relationships—marriage.
It’s a tremendous responsibility. Prior to a wedding, however, a minister has
access to speak into a couple’s life in a way unique to any other time in their
lives.
I feel it is
important to help couples, as much as possible, be prepared for marriage. With time always at a premium, I try to make
sure, at a minimum, that the couple understands a few key principles prior to
their wedding day.
I believe understanding these 7 issues will
help you have a healthy marriage:
1) You are different
Opposites tend to attract. Each spouse is not only differently
physically, but there are differences in backgrounds, outlook on life, and how
they approach different situations. This
is not intended as a curse on marriage. God
designed those differences for a reason, and the more a couple learns to
celebrate those differences, the stronger a marriage will become.
2) Leave and cleave
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be
joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
Don’t let either set of in-laws dictate how you lead your
new family. Decide in advance that no
one, whether they are related or not, is going to be a wedge between the two of
you. Every couple has lots of other
relationships, including children someday, but none of them should be allowed
to interfere with the oneness God intends to create with the marriage.
3) Expect surprises
Life won’t always be as wonderful as it is today. There will be difficult days, whether
self-induced or life-induced. Life
brings changes, and those times have the ability to catch even the best
marriages off guard if not prepared for them. We can never be fully prepared for what might
come, but we can prepare ourselves that when it does come, whatever it is, and
no matter how hard it is, we can handle it.
Couples should use these times to improve the strength of their marriage
rather than allow them to pull the marriage apart.
“I can
do all things through him who strengthens me.” (John 16:33b)
4) Make a commitment to the marriage
no matter what
Couples usually assume they are doing this by standing at
the altar together, but statistics would say otherwise. Many times these days a person is saying, “I’m
committed until it becomes difficult or until the love we have today fades.” That is not the Biblical picture of marriage
God designed. Marriage is more than
simply a feeling of love, it is a commitment to love “for better or worse, from
this day forward.” Expressing that
commitment, and agreeing together beforehand, and continuing to remind yourself
of that through the difficult days, will help the marriage last. Couples should not be ashamed to ask for help early
on, not letting problems in the marriage begin to fester. Do not be afraid to ask for professional
counseling if necessary. It would be
better to get help early than to see the marriage disintegrate beyond repair.
5) Model after the right couples
I encourage couples to find another couple whose marriage
they admire, and follow them closely. Most
likely they have some stories to share. Things
may not have been as wonderful throughout their marriage as they are today. No doubt they have some tips to having a
strong marriage. I challenge couples to
learn all they can from the couple they want to be like.
6) Evaluate often
Couples should ask themselves often, are we growing together
as a couple or further apart? Is the
marriage growing stronger or are there holes that need addressing? Don’t assume your spouse feels as you do.
(I’ve learned this is especially true for men who often don’t know there is a
problem until it’s a big problem.) Establish
the understanding early in the relationship that you have the right to
periodically check on the state of your marriage. In the weeks ahead I will provide to you a
checklist of questions to ask one another as a way to evaluate your marriage.
7) Put Christ first
This is the one most couples expect the pastor to say, but
it’s not just the preacher’s answer, it’s the best secret to a lasting
marriage. “A chord of three strands is
not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12b) A couple’s
individual and collective relationship with Christ will ensure they can endure
the hardest days of a marriage. When the
relationship with Christ suffers, the marriage will often suffer. Satan looks
for any excuse to destroy the marriage. Begin
a nightly devotional and prayer time with your spouse. Pour your heart and life into Christ and let
Him strengthen and sustain your marriage. That’s my list. I also believe these are good principles for couples regardless of how long they have been married. Let me know if there is a topic you would like to see discussed that I haven't covered yet. And I appreciate any feedback.
Don't miss out on the complete marriage series:
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 1
What is a Christian Marriage - Part 2
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 1
An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 2
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 1
An Ephesians 5 Wife - Part 2
Communication in Marriage
The Bible & Divorce
Can God change your life?
God has made it possible for you to know
Him, and experience an amazing change
in your own life.
Discover how you can find peace with
God.
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