Forgiving Yourself

My parents were so excited when I decided to follow my father’s footsteps into the Navy, and had great hope this would change my perspective on life.  I had already exhibited a combination of a strong-will and independent spirit that was getting me into trouble more times than I care to admit.   And unfortunately I carried that into military service.    

After the military, I spent many years traveling around; wasting my life.  The next nine years was a journey spanning three countries in search of peace, happiness, and contentment, but all I found were drugs, alcohol, and broken dreams.  I wandered from one town, one drink, and one relationship to the next.  Always wondering what was over the next hill, always seeking that next adventure. 

I was the Prodigal Son!

One day, while hanging out at the local college scene, my sister showed up unexpectantly.  She came to tell me that our brother had been hurt in an automobile accident down in Pensacola, Florida, and he wasn’t doing well.  Shortly after arriving at my parent’s home, we received the news that he had passed away.  It was one of the worst nights of my life.  My parents were devastated.  It was later that I learned my mom had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown. 

That night, several of my parent’s church family, and the pastor, had arrived to be of some comfort to mom and dad.  I remember standing on the other side of the doorway into the kitchen listening to the conversation.  All of a sudden I heard that voice I will never forget come slicing through the air like a large, sharp knife and straight into my heart!  “We are so sorry about what happened to your son, Allan.  IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN RUSS!”

I ran to my bedroom while a wave of guilt flooded over me.  They were right!  I was the useless, black sheep of the family.  I was the one causing the family so much pain and grief through my actions.  I embarrassed my parents continually in the community, and broke their hearts day in and day out.  I was the one going nowhere, and only wasting my life.  Not my brother! 

I was the one who should have died that night! 

I carried that thought for almost twenty-five years.  And it only compounded the sense of guilt I felt about the life I had lived.  I rebelled against God, against family, and against society searching for that elusive “something” I felt was missing in my life.

I know my life was filled with sin.  I eventually prayed for God’s forgiveness, and I believed He heard my prayer.  But, what about you?  Have you prayed for forgiveness, and really meant every word.  You believe that Jesus died for you on the cross and that His sacrifice forgives all your sins.  But you still feel guilt and condemnation, just like I did.  You know from the Bible that God has forgotten that sin. He has removed it from you as far as the east is from the west.  But you still feel horrible!  How do you get past that feeling?

We make life hard by blaming ourselves for things we did in the past.  But God says through Paul, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)

What does that freedom really mean?  It means that you are not saved from hell to be imprisoned in self-punishment.  God has set you free.  You are no longer a slave to self-hatred and self-condemnation.  The Bible says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)  Forgiveness is not a feeling.  You must choose to deny Satan, the accuser, and his plans to make you feel guilty and dirty because of sins in the past.

When Satan tries to remind you of your past, do these things:

1) Meditate on the truth of who God is, and who you are in Him.

2) Absorb into your heart and spirit scriptures about God’s forgiveness, mercy, grace, and love. Psalm 103 is a good place to start.

3) Take an objective view of your past to learn from your failure. What did you learn about yourself and God through this experience?

4) Allow God to touch your emotional wound for healing, and refuse the attempts of Satan to harass you anymore, because the King of glory stands as your Defender and Advocate.

Pray this prayer of commitment and begin enjoying the blessings of forgiveness and freedom.

Heavenly Father, thank You that you have never abandoned me.  You have loved me unconditionally. I am accepted in Jesus. And my acceptance does not depend on anything but Jesus, His love, mercy, grace, sacrifice, and righteousness. Therefore, I am not ashamed before You.

I repent of all my sins in Jesus’ name. Thank You that I am completely forgiven and cleansed by the blood of Jesus. I will not allow the enemy to harass me about the past. I choose to forgive myself and receive the full freedom of Your forgiveness.

I choose to let Jesus cover my past failures and struggles, and enjoy Your love so that my mind is at rest.  What amazing grace that You remember my sins and iniquities no more!

Because of the incredible forgiveness of Jesus, I can forgive others in His name.  I choose to forgive all those who have hurt me, harmed me, or spoken against me. I free them in my thoughts and no longer hold their sins against them.  Bless them in Your mercy.  I do this by the indwelling power of Your Holy Spirit.

Thank You Lord, that I am a brand new creation.  All the old has passed away, and I stand clean and new in Your sight.  I can settle this today with You.  Thank You that You control me, not my emotions or what others say or do.  And I receive all Your blessings for my life and give You all praise, honor, and glory forever.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!

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