Where Are the Men?

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” (1 Corinthians 16:13)

I apologize for the extended length of this post, but it is another of the many topics dear to my heart. As I’m sure many of you are already aware, there is a shortage of active men in the church today.  So men, this is for you!  Christianity is NOT a sissy religion.  It is not for women only!  And need I remind you, Christ was a man. 

I know how much y’all love statistics, so here are a few to support my thesis:

1) The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male.

2) On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.

3) This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.

4) Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return.

5) And finally, fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry.

“Charles Spurgeon once said, “There has got abroad a notion, somehow, that if you become a Christian you must sink your manliness and turn milksop.”

Men are disappearing from the church!!

So, where are the men in Church? Somehow you can find them in the world, but where are they in the church?  Someone once responded to the question of where are the men by saying, "We have asked them to become women."

While in the military, the men were challenged and were competitive.  We did things together.  We worked together, drank together, fought together and played together.  There was a sense of competition, adventure and camaraderie.  Ah yes! The military.  They can take a young rebellious man for four years and give him a career, stability, and a place in society; the church has a man for twenty years and he is no more than a pew warmer.  He is touchy, indifferent and alone.  He just believes what he is told and sits quietly in the pew only to drop a share of his hard earned pay in the basket in hopes of heaven at the end of the trail.

In the military we developed meaningful relationships.  Men could be men, and you put up with the hard training because you were made to feel like a man.  Danger and challenge drew us together.  The fight to be better and to achieve was a motivating force.  When there was a fight, we stood with our buddies.  There was an unwritten moral code of conduct. If you violated it, you were forced out and marked by others.

When I gave my life to Jesus, my expectations were high. I read of love, fellowship, function and a purpose for my life.  I read about fighting the good fight of faith.  I read of men laying down their lives for one another.  I read of community and power.  I read of participation in a body and a place which God purposed for me to fit.  The more I read His Word, the greater the difference I saw between the church today and the Bible I embraced.  Who was wrong?  Or did God change His plan?  Was the Bible just a reference book to review doctrine and provide material for Sunday messages by professional orators?  

  

Rather than experiencing church life and biblical relationship which were meant for iron to sharpen iron, we experience idealistic messages having nothing to do with being a part of a functioning group of brothers.  We settle for information rather than transformation.  As a man, the church presented no challenge, no fight, no purpose, no function and no sense of belonging. 

The world is looking for real men, men built together like a team, and that team joined throughout the city and nation.  Not men marked by the division of denominational labels, but the unity found in Jesus only.  Our lethargy and division has completely turned off the real men in search for meaning.  While the church is becoming more irrelevant and audience driven, there is a call for men to leave the institutional and traditional way of doing church and come together to return to the biblical standard of being church that God intended.  It will take real men with a real burden.  It will take a heart completely given to the Lord and a desire to see His will in the body of Christ. I can hear the call from the Lord today, "let my men go!"

I hear of exciting men’s groups, but I don’t see the changing, growing and demonstration of His unity, His faith, and His love in our cities.  I want something more than that; I want to pray with a group of hungry brothers in Christ.  I want to be one with a group of loyal and committed brothers.  I want to get away from the professional entertainment of Sunday with its false handshakes and phony hugs and I-love-you-brother rhetoric.  I want something with depth, sacrifice and a bold commitment.

Church, let the men go! 

The desire to be built with other men has been ignored.  We have become so dysfunctional in Christianity that we don't know what it means to function as a body.  We are killing our wounded and often get shot in the back by our comrades in arms.  In becoming Christian, we have lost our masculinity. We have learned we can only function as a crowd or a group in a sterile Bible study where we brag about the depth of the study, and brilliance of the teacher.  Where are the prayer warriors?  Where are the men who encourage one another and stand by one another and do things together?

Though the world has taught me how to be a man and stand by others on the job and military, the church has failed to teach me how to be a man.  I feel like a paraplegic who has no use for my arms and legs, and atrophy has set in through the lack of use.  I want to see the world challenged, see sinners repent, not just repeat some unbiblical sterile sinners prayer.  I want to truly know Jesus!  I want to give Him all of my heart and all of my soul; I don't want to be forced into a pew sitting career, a tithing number, a source for the benefit of the church staff and building.  I don't want to be good or righteous without His power and His presence. I want to know Him!  

My spirit wants to soar to greater heights in Him.  I want to be with men that will stand in the battle, not leave and go AWOL at the first disagreement or challenge.  I want to be with committed men who believe our relationship can turn the world upside down.  Let us pray till the power comes down.  Let us seek Him until He restores His body without spot and wrinkle. Nothing in this world is worth living without His kingdom and His will.  Hell is more than eternal banishment from the presence of God, its flames are being felt today in a disjointed, divided and dysfunctional body.

I am tired of being with powerless males acting like frail women.  Excuse me ladies, this is not a statement against you, we just need men to be men again.  Many men today are unfulfilled, frustrated, depressed and angry.  The church today doesn't know how to handle real men.  It throws them a little bone now and then in a men's Bible study or retreat.  Most Christian men are about as interesting as the fat man in some poster eating ice cream.

   

Am I angry?  Yes!  I have been cheated and I want my calling back.  I want to see Jesus back in the lives of real men.  The church today in America has lost the battle for the hearts of men, and I want to see it back. I want discipleship and respect brought back to men.  I want brotherhood and fatherhood back.  I want to see men in the prayer trenches together again, men in the upper room waiting for the return of the power, and men in the streets together again.  I want to see men with power and prestige.

Statistics have shown that men are leaving the church in the droves.  You would think this is some kind of a new move of God.  Men have left the church right and left seeking something to fulfill them.  They have gone back to their friends or have found some fulfillment on their jobs.  Many have become badly wounded by the impersonal institutional system.  Our children are time bombs, waiting for the real shock of graduating from Sunday school coloring books and entertaining youth meetings, to face boredom in the church service in the main auditorium. 

The military has taken our rebellious teenagers, got them to make their beds, show up on time, learn a trade, fit into society, have someone scream in their face and take it, and yet feel a sense of belonging and pride. The church has offered little or nothing to our young.  Role models, older brothers, family and father figures are as rare as the humpback whale.  Teenagers today can't wait to become old enough to leave the church in search of something more engaging. 

  

Twenty years in church produces little change and adaptability.  I know there are the exceptions, but the exception is not the rule. The world has been lost in this battle also.  They have been taken captive in addiction, divorce, the occult, pornography and the entertainment craze.  We have replaced the power of the church with para-church institutions and self-help programs; all of which have left the seekers without the reality of Jesus and the church. 

Men avoid church for a variety of reasons, and church leaders should be aware of those possible reasons as they reach out to young men, husbands, and fathers.  Men should be challenged to emulate the heroes of the faith; strong men such as Moses, Elijah, and Peter.  The Christian life should be presented as the adventure it truly is.  And we should pray that God would increase the number of men who recognize their God-given responsibilities and who are unafraid to commit their talents and service to a local church. The role of man is a leadership one, that is, to be an example and God-fearing.  It is to be exercised in love, and with a good temperament in both the church and the home.   

Often ladies have to take over when the man relegated his responsibilities to them.  If men fail to lead, then we have failed miserably.  But ladies are to pray, submit, and support their husbands in their spiritual and family duties as well.  We need to be accountable to God (See 2 Corinthians 5:10), and fulfill our God-given roles with the strength and wisdom He provides, relying on Him for guidance and direction always.   

Above all, remember Psalm 127:1 which says, “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." 

I pray that men will, once again, become men. 

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” (Psalm 1:1-3)

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