Life's Journey: An Ephesians 5 Wife

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:21-24)

Just as I needed to make some fundamental points clear for the husbands, so I also need to be sure wives begin on common ground today. There are a couple of things I want to make crystal clear before proceeding into this segment of Paul’s letter. This is probably one of the most sensitive areas of teaching in both the church and society today, and is an area of scripture that has been misused, avoided, watered down, and debated. Our society has come to a place where the spiritual principles taught here are diametrically opposed to what the modern world thinks marriage and the man/woman relationship should be.

So I’m going to say first of all, that to the very best of the ability God has given me, and backed by more thought and study than I’ve done for any topic so far, and I am prayerfully going to attempt to bring to you what the Spirit of Christ has said through His Apostle. I don’t know how much of it you will like. But how you receive and apply it will be between you and God.

Secondly, there will be people reading this who are not presently married or have never been married. Some have been in a relationship that dissolved and they are now alone. There are some whose spouses have passed away and they don’t intend to marry again.

Having made that observation, I want to say that the things you learn here will still apply, because they teach much about the relationship between Christ and His church, and therefore between Christ and the individual. And, they teach things that you may one day be able to use in helping someone you know who is married, or about to be married, and may be in need of some sound Christian counsel concerning what the marriage union is all about.

Finally, I want to ask the wives to pay careful attention to what you will read here, not worrying about the man you live with and his problems. And please be comforted by this; Paul addresses his advice to you, all in three verses. When he speaks to husbands, he needs five verses.

As we read verse 22, the first thing that jumps out at most people is the call for, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Today, one of the most difficult concepts in God’s Word is biblical submission. The word submission is not limited to wives alone. For example, Christians are to submit themselves to each other (Ephesians 5:21), to government (Romans 13:1), and unto God. (James 4:7) This is a frequent concept in the Bible, and self-sacrifice is required in each circumstance. Submission takes trust. Trust in your spouse and trust in God that He will be there to help clean up some of the messes that husbands will get you into. Submission is never glossed over to be seen as easy or even convenient. Instead, it is viewed as service to God.

The Greek word for submission means, “To subordinate…put under...” God encourages women to voluntarily follow their husband’s leadership. (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1) A woman is expected to actively do this—choosing to put herself under his leadership, choosing to be subordinate in a circumstance or relationship. This is not something to be forced upon her.

I remember asking my wife, Alice, to marry me. She had grown up under an abusive and domineering father, who used selected Scripture to control his family, especially the women. Alice assented, but said, “None of this submission stuff! I want a partnership!” I agreed, knowing that a marriage needs to be a partnership. After I gave my life completely to the Lord’s service, she said to me, “I now understand the idea of Christian submission, and I can follow your leadership because I know you are following Christ.”

A wife shows submission to her husband when she allows him to take leadership in the relationship. Submission to a husband does not mean a woman is to be a slave in bondage to that man, but rather it is to be a mutual submission in love. Verse 21 says we are “to submit to one another.” Submission means "to yield or to set yourself under.” From this definition we see we are to yield to one another instead of demanding our own way. Love should be the rule in our homes, and we should “prefer one another.” Not only should this be especially true in our homes, but in our church family as well. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

His position as leader is Biblical. (1 Corinthians 11:3) Abraham’s wife, Sarah, is an example of a woman following her husband’s lead. (1 Peter 3:6) You would never confuse Sarah with being a frail doormat. Peter notes that she was not afraid in life. Submission should not be confused with a person being weak. In the New Testament, Priscilla and Aquila worked as a team in spreading the Gospel. Together, both were strong ambassadors for Christ.

Now, there are several things I want to highlight in verses 23 and 24. The first is that the husband is the head of the wife. Modern contemporary thought bristles at this assertion as chauvinistic, old fashioned, small-minded, and probably a few less socially acceptable words that I wouldn’t say here anyway.

And yet, the Holy Spirit says that the husband is the head of the wife. So we will deal with it. Now notice, first off, Paul did not say “the man is the head of the woman.” No. The man is not head of the woman. Some may say I am nitpicking here, but I want to be clear in our understanding. What Paul is talking about is that the husband/wife relationship symbolizes Christ and the church.

Now, I’m going to make a statement, and I want you to please listen very carefully to every word and try to understand me. The husband is the head of the wife; her leader, her guide and protector in the marriage relationship. As soon as he begins lording it over her as though superior to her; as soon as he begins to mistreat her and bully her emotionally, physically, sexually, then he steps out of that husband/wife relationship and begins to be her head and ruler as man over woman. At that point the type of Christ and the church has been abandoned, the union ceases to be scriptural-based and managed, the man has over-stepped the bounds of his authority, and therefore surrendered his right to ask God’s blessing on his leadership of the home.

Wives, you are instructed by the Holy Spirit, to submit to your own husband, as to the Lord. Not that he is your lord, but as you are subject to the Lord Jesus, so you are to be to your own husband as the one God has given you for guidance, leadership, and protection. He cannot properly fulfill his role as your husband, if you will not submit to him as wife to husband. And even the strongest leader cannot lead if he has no followers.

Now, this does not mean that you have to bow to his every stupid whim. When there’s two hundred and fifty dollars in the bank account, and the rent is due, and he wants to buy a two hundred and ten dollar video game, you are not required by scripture to let him go out and buy it. I’ll even go further and say if he comes home with it, you will not violate this command of scripture if you send him right back to the store for a refund.

Let me state very simply where the boundaries are. In so far as his action toward you, and interaction with you, fall within the scope of his being the protector of your body, soul, and home, you must submit to him. That’s what I see Paul teaching you to do.

That can cover some decisions concerning management of a household, where you will go when alone and what time of day, business decisions, and vocational changes; it can cover a lot of your daily life together. Not just protecting you from muggers or from vehicle accidents. As decisions have to be made or actions taken that in any way take into consideration what is best, safest, and most profitable for you; that build you up and honor you, and lead you more closely to the Lord, and he is honestly, before God, attempting to fulfill his role and his duties in that role, you must submit to him, as to the Lord Jesus.

All through the scriptures, which are God’s laws, His reactions toward men who fail to fulfill their proper role and duty toward their women, clearly put forth the message that God expects the man to be the woman’s protector and spiritual leader.

In addition to that, there is the natural inclination in men, generally, to be protective of the weaker sex. When they are not, when the inclination is not there, we see that as a problem. A short-coming. Maybe even cowardice.

Now, I’m going to stop here until next week when we will finish up with An Ephesians 5 Wife - part 2.

On closing, let me just say that, Christian marriages need to renew their commitment to the principles of unconditional love and mutual submission in Christ. Three major reasons for break-ups today are arguments over religion, money and poor communication. When a husband unconditionally demonstrates loving affection to his wife, and a wife freely submits to her husband, then there is true love. In the Lord, difficulties over money and other intimate matters can be dealt with in a Christ-like manner, always maintaining mutual respect and a life-long commitment.

I’m always interested in your thoughts on these posts, so please feel free to comment in the section below. See you next week, and may God bless you!